Monday, March 25, 2013

Differences Between Boys and Girls and the Value of Tears

My last post was about discussions with our children.  As our oldest quickly approaches adulthood, some of these discussions revolve around personal relationships especially between guys and girls.  Recently, our son has mentioned something about my being "so emotional" on a couple of occasions, and saying "I can't discuss certain things with you because you get too emotional".

After giving it some thought, I sat down with him and explained to him how he sometimes takes the discussions to a point where I need more time to think about it more before I can discuss it further.  To which he responded, "That makes sense.  I thought you were just getting too emotional and angry and that's why you wanted to stop the discussions."

Then I explained to him that he should really consider the fact that females are emotional and that if he plans to marry one day, he needs to be a bit more understanding of that fact.  I explained to him how I have never really been much of a crier, but that as I get older, I cry much easier than I did when I was younger.  To which he responded, "Well, your tears are actually a good thing.  When we are discussing something and you just get angry, it makes me angry and I just want to win the discussion, but when you cry, it's like a check.  It makes me stop and think because I don't want to hurt you."

To me, it appears that my tears cause a sense of protection in him and there is value in that.  The Bible wants men to protect their wives and if tears bring out that desire to protect, in my son, I see that as a good thing, as long as a girl doesn't simply turn the tears on to suit her own purposes, which I have seen some girls do.  True honest feelings are good things to share.

Our oldest son has been a learning experience for my husband and myself as well, for neither of us grew up with any brothers, so neither of us experienced an example of how to parent boys.  Many people have paid us compliments on our boys over the years, and I am grateful to our heavenly Father and his grace because He knows the mistakes we made, but by His grace, our boys are good, young men who look to the Father and His word for guidance.  I pray they always will, and though, I know that my husband and I had a part in teaching them, I truly give the praise and glory to the Lord, for I believe, with my whole heart, that, as the Bible says, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."  Romans 8:28

So, I believe that even the mistakes we made along the way, and those we will most likely still make along the way with the other two, will be used for the good because or our love for God, as well as the boys' love for God.

Our oldest son also pointed out that as he has no sisters growing up with him, I am his only example of female behavior.  He really likes the example of Men are like Waffles, Women are like Spaghetti by Bill and Pam Farrell.  He said that knowledge, that men tend to compartmentalize things, while, for women, everything is connected, helps him in understanding us, emotional females too.

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