I attended a seminar by Kirk Martin at the C.H.A.P. Homeschool Convention. He talked about "Ways to Stop Defiance and Disrespect". He has lots of great parenting tips that focus more on us, as parents, and our actions and reactions than on the children's behavior. He explains how we can change our children's behaviors by how we act or react.
He urges parents to sit down so that they can have a "conversation" with the child instead of a "confrontation".
He said that kids who ask why are often asking because they are big picture people and need to know the big picture.
Here are some of the quotes that he stated:
"I never want to give kids control of my home, but I will give them ownership." (Get them to help)
"Your child owns you when you are out of control."
"We bludgeon our kids with words."
He said that kids who can't take correction internalize failure.
He explained how one of our biggest problems as parents is that we react to the outward behavior. The outward behavior is always a sign of another issue. We're in such a hurry all the time that we see it as irritating, annoying and inconvenient to ourselves. He recommended that before dealing with your children, be sure your emotions and yourself are in control.
"When I control myself, I get clarity."
You can counter your child's anxiety by giving them something they can do. Your kids are good as long as their brain is focused on something good and productive.
"If your kids can't come to you with their worst selves, they won't come to you at all later and will instead turn to their teenage friends/peers, which is not good."
We, as parents, need to realize: "I don't need you to respect me; I respect myself. You need to respect me for yourself."
Kirk was a dynamic speaker who had some humor in the things he taught. He encourages parents to remain calm and to have a calm household. He has some great audio CD sets. We purchased all of the parenting ones for a significantly discounted price at the convention, but they are also available on his website. He also has some audio CD sets for couples. He explained, in the seminar, that he sells the sets for a fairly high price because he wants us to realize the value of them and how much they can help, if you commit to listen to them over and over because that is the only way to break the patterns and the things that were ingrained in us from our parents parenting.
I have listened to all of the parenting ones one time so far, but enjoy listening to them while relaxing in the evenings. I copied the CD sets onto my ipad so that I can listen to them without disturbing anyone else, and my husband has a set in his car so he can listen to them on his way to work and home again. I really like what he teaches and find that it really does help me to stay calm. We have enough stress in our lives without stressing at our children.
Check out Kirk's website for more information: http://celebratecalm.com/
Friday, May 31, 2013
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Hank, the Cowdog
We were introduced to Hank, the Cowdog several years ago, when our two older boys were young and John R. Erickson spoke at the C.H.A.P. Homeschool Convention. Well, he returned again this year, and so we introduced our youngest son to Hank, the Cowdog.
John R. Erickson opened his seminars with one of his songs from Hank, the Cowdog. He also read a chapter from one of the Hank, the Cowdog books and talked about the characters from the books.
Our older boys still love Hank, the Cowdog, as do my husband and I, and now our youngest, as well. As a matter of fact, while I was working on blog posts this afternoon, he was playing on the floor nearby, and he was singing one of the songs.
We purchased some more of the Hank, the Cowdog books at the convention, as well as a T-shirt for our youngest, some of the books that are only available on CDs and the Hank, the Cowdog Tornado game. Yes, we are big Hank fans.
This year, John R. Erickson also had a new book entitled Story Craft: Reflections on Faith, Culture, and Writing from the Author of Hank, the Cowdog. Our oldest son and I each grabbed one of these quickly as we are both writers. We had them autographed by Mr. Erickson, who also autographed all of the Hank, the Cowdog books we purchased and the T-shirt for our youngest.
Several years ago, I taught a class at our homeschool co-op on Hank, the Cowdog and both boys and girls love the stories, and they are enjoyed by all ages.
A few years ago, our oldest son also purchased a copy of a book that Mr. Erickson wrote that isn't about Hank, the Cowdog.
It has just come to my attention that he has created a series out of this as well, it is about a boy named Riley McDaniels. There are two more books to this series. Our oldest son enjoyed this book, though not as much as the Hank, the Cowdog books. It is an adventure story, and it is different from the Hank, the Cowdog books.
You and your children can enjoy Hank, the Cowdog regularly by visiting the Official Hank, the Cowdog website at: http://www.hankthecowdog.com/ You can see all of John R. Erickson's books on this website as well. He actually has quite a few nonfiction books about cowboys.
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Are You a Member of a Church?
I'm sorry I've been gone for a couple of weeks, but we were finishing our school year, after which I put together our portfolios, and last Friday we had our end-of-the-year evaluations. I should now have more time to devote to this blog and those of you who come here seeking information.
My last post was about one of the speakers and her seminars from the C.H.A.P. Homeschool Convention that I attended at the beginning of the month, and I promised to continue with information on other seminars that I attended. So, here we go.
Reading the above book was my introduction to Voddie Baucham and his ministry. I loved the book and highly recommend it! He has some other great books as well, including his newest:
Voddie Baucham was at the C.H.A.P. Homeschool Convention at the beginning of May and he spoke in several seminars each day. I attended a couple of his seminars and purchased others on CD to bring home to listen to.
The first seminar I attended that he held was "Why Your Family Needs the Church". I am sure that this seminar made some people uncomfortable as he talked about "church" vs. "home church". He is very knowledgeable of the Bible and has scriptures that apply to everything he talks about.
He asked the question "What is a church?" Then he answered it, "The church is a congregation of saints, in which the Gospel is rightly taught and the Sacraments are rightly administered."
He talked about Biblical Assembly and said that it requires:
Biblical Gospel -- Historic, God-centered, Christ-centered, cross-centered, Grace-Centered
Biblical Officers
Biblical Ordinance
Biblical Discipline
He stressed, "If it is not the gospel you are hearing, you are not in a true, healthy church."
He quoted many scriptures. I did not write the scriptures out, but wrote down all of their references. They explain what the Bible says about church. Here are some of them:
Ephesians 3:20-21 Acts 20:24
I Peter 2:13 - 3:6 and 5:5 Galatians 1:6
I Corin. 15:3-4 I Corin. 9:12
Mark 1:14 I Corin. 1:17
Romans 1:1 Galatians 5:11
I Thess. 2:2
Ephesians 4, I Timothy 3, Titus 1 and I Peter 5
I John 2:7, 11, and 19
Matthew 18:15-20
2 Timothy 4
I Corinthians 5
Romans 12 and I Corinthians 12
Acts 2 and I Timothy 5
Titus 2
Hebrews 13:17
So, there you go, now you can study what the Bible says about church for yourself.
The second seminar, Voddie spoke at, I attended with my husband, "The Role of the Father in Home Education/Discipleship".
He talked about some of the recent movements that have attempted to teach men about their true roles in their families and he said, "Men don't train to sing together in a stadium or to join an accountability group. They train to fight and they need to fight in their homes -- to handle their responsibilities and duties."
"If you desire the reformation of your people, turn them to their families."
"You need to be the leader of your family, even if you don't think you know more than anyone else under you. It's not about what you know, it's about order. It's your job."
He talked about how important it is for the husbands/fathers to know the Gospel and to know what the Gospel is not. He also said they should know Evangelism and Discipleship.
He said, "This is not about manipulation."
He said that everything he shared in this seminar is in his new book, which I have pictured above.
We have high regard for Voddie Baucham and his teachings and recommend his books. If you want to know more about Voddie, you can visit: http://www.gracefamilybaptist.net/voddie-baucham-ministries/ or you can read some blog posts he's written at: http://www.gracefamilybaptist.net/voddie-baucham-ministries/blog/
My last post was about one of the speakers and her seminars from the C.H.A.P. Homeschool Convention that I attended at the beginning of the month, and I promised to continue with information on other seminars that I attended. So, here we go.
Reading the above book was my introduction to Voddie Baucham and his ministry. I loved the book and highly recommend it! He has some other great books as well, including his newest:
Voddie Baucham was at the C.H.A.P. Homeschool Convention at the beginning of May and he spoke in several seminars each day. I attended a couple of his seminars and purchased others on CD to bring home to listen to.
The first seminar I attended that he held was "Why Your Family Needs the Church". I am sure that this seminar made some people uncomfortable as he talked about "church" vs. "home church". He is very knowledgeable of the Bible and has scriptures that apply to everything he talks about.
He asked the question "What is a church?" Then he answered it, "The church is a congregation of saints, in which the Gospel is rightly taught and the Sacraments are rightly administered."
He talked about Biblical Assembly and said that it requires:
Biblical Gospel -- Historic, God-centered, Christ-centered, cross-centered, Grace-Centered
Biblical Officers
Biblical Ordinance
Biblical Discipline
He stressed, "If it is not the gospel you are hearing, you are not in a true, healthy church."
He quoted many scriptures. I did not write the scriptures out, but wrote down all of their references. They explain what the Bible says about church. Here are some of them:
Ephesians 3:20-21 Acts 20:24
I Peter 2:13 - 3:6 and 5:5 Galatians 1:6
I Corin. 15:3-4 I Corin. 9:12
Mark 1:14 I Corin. 1:17
Romans 1:1 Galatians 5:11
I Thess. 2:2
Ephesians 4, I Timothy 3, Titus 1 and I Peter 5
I John 2:7, 11, and 19
Matthew 18:15-20
2 Timothy 4
I Corinthians 5
Romans 12 and I Corinthians 12
Acts 2 and I Timothy 5
Titus 2
Hebrews 13:17
So, there you go, now you can study what the Bible says about church for yourself.
The second seminar, Voddie spoke at, I attended with my husband, "The Role of the Father in Home Education/Discipleship".
He talked about some of the recent movements that have attempted to teach men about their true roles in their families and he said, "Men don't train to sing together in a stadium or to join an accountability group. They train to fight and they need to fight in their homes -- to handle their responsibilities and duties."
"If you desire the reformation of your people, turn them to their families."
"You need to be the leader of your family, even if you don't think you know more than anyone else under you. It's not about what you know, it's about order. It's your job."
He talked about how important it is for the husbands/fathers to know the Gospel and to know what the Gospel is not. He also said they should know Evangelism and Discipleship.
He said, "This is not about manipulation."
He said that everything he shared in this seminar is in his new book, which I have pictured above.
We have high regard for Voddie Baucham and his teachings and recommend his books. If you want to know more about Voddie, you can visit: http://www.gracefamilybaptist.net/voddie-baucham-ministries/ or you can read some blog posts he's written at: http://www.gracefamilybaptist.net/voddie-baucham-ministries/blog/
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Do You Know About the Money Saving Mom?
At the 2013 CHAP Homeschool Convention, I started both Friday and Saturday off by attending seminars by Crystal Paine. She was homeschooled, as was her husband, and now they are homeschooling their children. She knows how hard it can be to live on a budget or on a single income, and she had some fabulous tips to share.
Her first seminar was "How to Cut Your Grocery Bill in Half" and these were her tips, in a nutshell:
1. Create a Budget
Use cash to do your grocery shopping; leave the debit card and check book at home
2. Plan a Menu
Plan according to your needs. You can simply plan 7 dinners, or you can plan 7 lunches and
7 dinners, or all 21 meals for the week, whatever you feel is most helpful for you.
Make a list of your family's 30 favorite meals and this will make meal planning easy, as you can
simply rotate these meals. You can also use Pinterest for menu planning and to find recipes, use
your store flyers to plan menus buying what's on sale, or take the flyers to Walmart because they
will price match any ad.
Also, use Recipe Cost Calculation in meal planning (You can google this and find one, you can
download an app for one, or you can visit Crystal's website and use the information she has there).
3. Clip Some Coupons
This doesn't have to be time consuming, and you don't have to invest in a newspaper subscription to
get coupons. You can type items you are planning to buy into the computer and find printable
coupons. You can also type in a store name, or "Coupon Match-Ups" or "Deal Bloggers" to find
coupons online that you can simply print and take with you.
Look for something you typically buy and for at least 40% off.
4. Rotate Your Stores
Consider more than grocery stores: Big Lots, B.J.'s or Sam's Club, health food stores, K-Mart,
Walmart, Dollar Stores, discount grocery stores, and scratch & dent stores
5. Buy in Bulk
Look for Co-Ops and Bulk Food Stores.
Meat is best to buy in bulk to save the most money. Look to local farmers for whole steers or pigs or
get extended family or friends together to go halves or quarters.
The second day, she did a seminar "You Don't Have to be Wealthy to Eat Healthy". She shared mostly the same points that I listed above but also mentioned cooking from scratch and planting a garden as ways of saving and eating healthier. And, she mentioned shopping online.
For more details, recipes, tips and advice, check out Crystal's website: MoneySavingMom.com. I plan visit this website regularly, and she has a free newsletter you can sign up to receive.
She also did a seminar "How to Fill Your Freezer with Nutritious Foods in Just a Few Hours" where she explained that you don't have to plan to make 30 meals all in one day to do freezer cooking. She had some great tips like simply planning to cook for about two hours and do as much as you can in that amount of time to make it more manageable and less exhausting. She mentioned doing something as simple as doubling or tripling a meal you are planning on making one evening and freezing the double or triple parts. You can also use your crockpot to do some simple things to freeze for later meals, and she talked about just freezing portions of meals as well; just some simple things you can do to save yourself time and energy.
Again, I recommend utilizing MoneySavingMom.com.
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
A Note about the 2013 CHAP Homeschool Convention I Attended
Friday, May 10 and Saturday, May 11, 2013, my family attended the Christian Homeschool Association of Pennsylvania's (CHAP) annual homeschool convention. I didn't need to buy much curriculum this year as I have a 3rd grade and a 10th grade Sonlight package, and since those are the grades I am teaching this year, I didn't need much. Now, I will be teaching these packages to my boys differently than Sonlight suggests because I am eclectic and I really enjoy being involved with the boys. I may or may not have my 10th grader read the readers, or maybe, I'll just have him read some of them, because now that he's in high school, I like to focus on reading classics aloud to him and discussing them or having him write an occasional paper on one or a few of them. My third grader will read some of the readers aloud to me. I still feel that he needs some practice in reading and being asked questions to be sure the comprehension is there, but as the year progresses, I will probably have him read a couple of the readers to himself and then have him tell me about the story orally, or have him draw a picture or write a short paper about the story.
We will be using all of the history books for Sonlight, and my tenth grader will also complete the Mystery of History Book 1, that we only got halfway through this year. My 10th grader will do some of the English that is with the Sonlight package, but will also complete the two books he was working out of this year. My third grader will complete the book he was working out of this year, as well as work through a book entitled, Language Lessons for the Elementary Child by Sandi Queen. We take a Charlotte Mason approach to most of our subjects, and this book has a Charlotte Mason flavor.
I will do a separate post on the Charlotte Mason Method another day.
My third grader will also work through a Wordly Wise Book A workbook to learn about vocabulary. My older two boys used Wordly Wise workbooks for quite a few years to expand their vocabulary. Now, I simply have them look up words that they come across in their reading that they are not familiar with and write a definition for it, so that they will learn those words. We do a lot of reading and reading is the best way to learn vocabulary and grammar.
My third grader will also work through a workbook entitled, A Reason for Handwriting. It is a transition workbook to transition from printing to cursive writing, and it uses scripture verses.
My tenth grader will also be doing the "Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing" computer program so that he will learn how to type using all of his fingers. He doesn't have much interest in the computer, but I know he will have a need to use it sometimes, so I want him to know how to type with all of his fingers, so that it doesn't take him forever to complete something he works on.
I will do a separate post on Math another day.
I apologize for getting a bit off track with this post. My intention was to tell you about all of the wonderful seminars that I attended and the speakers that I heard. I mentioned not needing to buy much curriculum to lead into the fact that, instead of spending a lot of time shopping, I attending a lot of seminars. That is where my refreshment and inspiration come from to keep homeschooling year after year.
So, what I will do now, is tell you about the seminars and speakers in the next few posts, follow those posts with a post about Math, followed by a post about the Charlotte Mason Method of teaching, followed by other ways of homeschooling, as well as a post on how to determine your school schedule, so keep visiting. I'm sure you won't want to miss the upcoming information.
Thursday, May 9, 2013
How to Prepare to Attend a Homeschool Convention/Conference
It is the time of year for homeschool conventions/conferences to be in full swing. We will be attending our local homeschool convention this Friday and Saturday.
You will be overwhelmed your first year. I certainly was. To find out more about my thoughts on the importance of attending homeschool conventions/conferences, read my older post, from March 16, 2013 "Is it Important to Attend a Homeschool Convention/Conference?"
Here are my tips for being prepared to attend a homeschool convention/conference:
1. Be sure to wear comfortable walking shoes and clothes that are comfortable for sitting and walking.
2. Be sure you know your homeschool law and what subjects you are required to teach at what grade
levels.
3. Be sure you have money for parking try to arrive early for parking or be prepared to park a distance
away and travel by tram or shuttle bus.
4. Be sure you have money to spend because you will find things you will want to purchase. However, it is
a good idea not to spend any money the first day, but to simply look around and get a good idea of what
you think will work for you and your child(ren). Avoid impulse spending or you may purchase something
that is not a good fit for you and your child(ren).
5. Pack lunch or plan to spend for that and maybe dinner as well. The prices of food at the convention/
conference you attend may be unreasonable, so consider this and check to see what restaurants are in
the area as well.
6. You may want to stay overnight in a hotel if you travel quite a distance to attend the
convention/conference. Plan for this expense as well. This is a great opportunity for a couple to have
some time together without the kids, or for some moms to go together for some ladies' time.
7. Be sure to have pen and a tablet or notebook for taking notes in the seminars you attend. You may
also want some money to purchase some CDs or MP-3 downloads of seminars you really feel you need
to hear again or of a seminar or two you can't get to because it's time conflicts with another one you
attend.
8. Be sure to visit the convention/conference website well in advance and print a copy of the speakers'
seminar topics and study them and mark the ones you want to attend ahead of time.
9. Also, print a copy of the vendor list from the website and mark the ones you want to be sure to check
out.
10. Look for any other information, on the website, you feel you need to know prior to attending the
convention/conference.
11. Be sure to visit HSLDA and sign up for membership. It is a valuable membership you won't regret
having. I suggest a lifetime membership if you know you are committed to homeschooling and are
planning to homeschool for 10 years or more because this is the greatest value for you.
12. You will want to consider what kind of bag to take with you for your purchases or you may want to
check the website to see if they offer a box/package option, where you can have your purchases
packed for you, and then you can pull your car up to the loading area where you can pick up your
boxes. There is a fee for the packing service. If you take your own bag, I suggest something on
wheels, but not too large to be a problem in narrow aisles.
I think I've covered all of the important tips. Enjoy your homeschool convention/conference and be prepared to get refreshed, rejuvenated and excited about the upcoming school year!
My next post will not appear until Monday, May 13, 2013 as I will be at my homeschool convention/conference tomorrow and Saturday and at Sunday school and church on Sunday. Have a blessed weekend everyone.
You will be overwhelmed your first year. I certainly was. To find out more about my thoughts on the importance of attending homeschool conventions/conferences, read my older post, from March 16, 2013 "Is it Important to Attend a Homeschool Convention/Conference?"
Here are my tips for being prepared to attend a homeschool convention/conference:
1. Be sure to wear comfortable walking shoes and clothes that are comfortable for sitting and walking.
2. Be sure you know your homeschool law and what subjects you are required to teach at what grade
levels.
3. Be sure you have money for parking try to arrive early for parking or be prepared to park a distance
away and travel by tram or shuttle bus.
4. Be sure you have money to spend because you will find things you will want to purchase. However, it is
a good idea not to spend any money the first day, but to simply look around and get a good idea of what
you think will work for you and your child(ren). Avoid impulse spending or you may purchase something
that is not a good fit for you and your child(ren).
5. Pack lunch or plan to spend for that and maybe dinner as well. The prices of food at the convention/
conference you attend may be unreasonable, so consider this and check to see what restaurants are in
the area as well.
6. You may want to stay overnight in a hotel if you travel quite a distance to attend the
convention/conference. Plan for this expense as well. This is a great opportunity for a couple to have
some time together without the kids, or for some moms to go together for some ladies' time.
7. Be sure to have pen and a tablet or notebook for taking notes in the seminars you attend. You may
also want some money to purchase some CDs or MP-3 downloads of seminars you really feel you need
to hear again or of a seminar or two you can't get to because it's time conflicts with another one you
attend.
8. Be sure to visit the convention/conference website well in advance and print a copy of the speakers'
seminar topics and study them and mark the ones you want to attend ahead of time.
9. Also, print a copy of the vendor list from the website and mark the ones you want to be sure to check
out.
10. Look for any other information, on the website, you feel you need to know prior to attending the
convention/conference.
11. Be sure to visit HSLDA and sign up for membership. It is a valuable membership you won't regret
having. I suggest a lifetime membership if you know you are committed to homeschooling and are
planning to homeschool for 10 years or more because this is the greatest value for you.
12. You will want to consider what kind of bag to take with you for your purchases or you may want to
check the website to see if they offer a box/package option, where you can have your purchases
packed for you, and then you can pull your car up to the loading area where you can pick up your
boxes. There is a fee for the packing service. If you take your own bag, I suggest something on
wheels, but not too large to be a problem in narrow aisles.
I think I've covered all of the important tips. Enjoy your homeschool convention/conference and be prepared to get refreshed, rejuvenated and excited about the upcoming school year!
My next post will not appear until Monday, May 13, 2013 as I will be at my homeschool convention/conference tomorrow and Saturday and at Sunday school and church on Sunday. Have a blessed weekend everyone.
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Our Decision to Become Part of a Family Integrated Church Part 4
Here are some of the activities that we participate in at our church: biweekly fellowship meals, picnics at parks or at a local family's home, building and setting off rockets, father-son activities, ladies' teas, sponsoring a child through Compassion International, collecting for the local pregnancy center, helping by donating to missionaries in Africa, Ukraine and Ireland, as well as the MERF organization. We had a special service and small re-enactment of the sinking of the Titanic last year for 100th anniversary, where several of our men spoke about what it means to be a man and to protect the women and children, and this included a special dinner. Our men meet together one Sunday afternoon a month to share and to encourage one another and lift one another up in prayer, and our ladies meet once a month to encourage one another as well.
We've also played softball, Ultimate Frisbee, Airsoft (the boys and men), soccer, basketball, had game nights, mystery dinners, and movie nights to watch things like "Captivated". We have had guest speakers -- several missionaries, as well as Terri Roberts. We also have a special tradition each Easter -- we meet at a pond at a nearby park and read some scripture, sing a hymn or two, and pray. Then we return the the church building and have breakfast together before Sunday school and church. The meeting at the pond is because when the pastor and elders decided to begin this church, they had met at that pond early one morning to pray about it. During their prayer time, they also witnessed the sun rise over the pond and that is how they decided to call our church "Sonrise Christian Fellowship".
In Sunday school, we also went through the Truth Project.
Our entire family has grown by leaps and bounds in our spiritual walks since we've been attending this church. We are all a part of the church. Many of the teens in the church participate in services by using their musical talents. Our oldest son taught a short, 3-part, Sunday school lesson.
During the almost six years that we have been a part of this church, it has grown, slowly at first, but quite quickly more recently. We now average about 60 people each Sunday.
We have many families come to us because they found us through our website, and they were seeking a family integrated church because they understand the value of such a church. We now have families who drive and hour to attend our church, so we are no longer the ones traveling from the farthest distance.
We are blessed to be a part of this church, where we even get to personally know our pastors, as they participate in many of the fellowship meals and activities as well.
Our oldest son, turned 18 this week and we invited one of the church families and our pastor to join us for dinner to celebrate, and we had a lovely evening together.
You can find our church, Sonrise Christian Fellowship in Quarryville, PA. Check out our website at: http://sonrisechristianfellowship.org/ If you are close enough or don't mind a drive, join us. If a family integrated church is what you're looking for, we'd love to have you with us.
We've also played softball, Ultimate Frisbee, Airsoft (the boys and men), soccer, basketball, had game nights, mystery dinners, and movie nights to watch things like "Captivated". We have had guest speakers -- several missionaries, as well as Terri Roberts. We also have a special tradition each Easter -- we meet at a pond at a nearby park and read some scripture, sing a hymn or two, and pray. Then we return the the church building and have breakfast together before Sunday school and church. The meeting at the pond is because when the pastor and elders decided to begin this church, they had met at that pond early one morning to pray about it. During their prayer time, they also witnessed the sun rise over the pond and that is how they decided to call our church "Sonrise Christian Fellowship".
In Sunday school, we also went through the Truth Project.
Our entire family has grown by leaps and bounds in our spiritual walks since we've been attending this church. We are all a part of the church. Many of the teens in the church participate in services by using their musical talents. Our oldest son taught a short, 3-part, Sunday school lesson.
During the almost six years that we have been a part of this church, it has grown, slowly at first, but quite quickly more recently. We now average about 60 people each Sunday.
We have many families come to us because they found us through our website, and they were seeking a family integrated church because they understand the value of such a church. We now have families who drive and hour to attend our church, so we are no longer the ones traveling from the farthest distance.
We are blessed to be a part of this church, where we even get to personally know our pastors, as they participate in many of the fellowship meals and activities as well.
Our oldest son, turned 18 this week and we invited one of the church families and our pastor to join us for dinner to celebrate, and we had a lovely evening together.
You can find our church, Sonrise Christian Fellowship in Quarryville, PA. Check out our website at: http://sonrisechristianfellowship.org/ If you are close enough or don't mind a drive, join us. If a family integrated church is what you're looking for, we'd love to have you with us.
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
Our Decision to Become Part of a Family Integrated Church Part 3
We began regularly attending this family integrated church in late July of 2007. We fully enjoyed the series on "Apologetics" that the pastor taught and took lots of notes. I couldn't figure out why other churches weren't teaching this. It is so crucial to being able to stand strong in your faith.
Not long after we began attending the church, they announced that Voddie Baucham would be speaking at a church even closer to our house one evening. They explained that he was the man who began speaking and teaching about the need and benefit of family integrated churches.
Our oldest son and I went to hear Voddie Baucham speak that evening and were moved and inspired. When we met Mr. Baucham in the foyer afterward, my son gave him a hug. We spoke briefly to Mr. Baucham then and told him that we had recently began attending a family integrated church. We also purchased his book Family Driven Faith, which I began to read the next day. What a fantastic book. I highly recommend it to all believers. It explains so much about the importance of family unity and teaching our children the truth of God's word and why a family integrated church is a great model for bringing families together again, and how churches that separate into age/peer groups don't really help a family to be united.
A few years later, I also read Ken Ham's book Already Gone and realized that I had witnessed, what he talked about in this book, in our previous church, and knew that I didn't want this for my boys.
Our family integrated church doesn't just have us remain together as families during Sunday school and church services. They are all about relationship-building within the church. They believe in really getting to know one another within the church and building strong bonds within the congregations, truly becoming part of an even larger family -- knowing, loving, helping and encouraging each other in all things, often supplying a need without having to be asked, and always willing to help and supply a need when asked.
I will complete this series by posting Part 4 tomorrow, where I will talk about some of the activities our church participates in as a group.
Not long after we began attending the church, they announced that Voddie Baucham would be speaking at a church even closer to our house one evening. They explained that he was the man who began speaking and teaching about the need and benefit of family integrated churches.
Our oldest son and I went to hear Voddie Baucham speak that evening and were moved and inspired. When we met Mr. Baucham in the foyer afterward, my son gave him a hug. We spoke briefly to Mr. Baucham then and told him that we had recently began attending a family integrated church. We also purchased his book Family Driven Faith, which I began to read the next day. What a fantastic book. I highly recommend it to all believers. It explains so much about the importance of family unity and teaching our children the truth of God's word and why a family integrated church is a great model for bringing families together again, and how churches that separate into age/peer groups don't really help a family to be united.
A few years later, I also read Ken Ham's book Already Gone and realized that I had witnessed, what he talked about in this book, in our previous church, and knew that I didn't want this for my boys.
Our family integrated church doesn't just have us remain together as families during Sunday school and church services. They are all about relationship-building within the church. They believe in really getting to know one another within the church and building strong bonds within the congregations, truly becoming part of an even larger family -- knowing, loving, helping and encouraging each other in all things, often supplying a need without having to be asked, and always willing to help and supply a need when asked.
I will complete this series by posting Part 4 tomorrow, where I will talk about some of the activities our church participates in as a group.
Monday, May 6, 2013
Our Decision to Become Part of a Family Integrated Church Part 2
I suppose I should also mention that this church is not in our town, but it is a 40-minute drive for us.
The first Sunday we arrived at the church and were met outside by a gentleman who was very friendly. He asked our names and where we were from, how we found the church and if we were homeschoolers. He was thrilled to find out that we were homeschoolers and said that he can always tell homeschoolers at his job. He works for a local tourist attraction as a guide and he said that homeschoolers ask more questions and ask intelligent questions compared to the public schooled students. He told us we were going to love this church. Then we went inside and were greeted with more friendly faces.
During the little bit of social time between the Sunday school and church service time, one of the teen boys came over to invite our boys to gather with the group of teens that were talking in an area. Our boys hesitated and looked at me, and I told them to go. So they got to meet some of the teens from the church, while my husband and I spoke with some of the adults. It was a small church, only about 17 people besides us.
Everyone is together for both Sunday school and church service (all ages). That is what "Family Integrated" means, so our children were with us the whole time.
After Sunday school and church were over, one of the ladies asked if we wanted to join them for lunch. She said that a group from the church would be going to a restaurant nearby. We said no as we were a bit overwhelmed on this first visit and wanted some time to process.
We went to the nearby Burger King for lunch, and the boys and I said how much we enjoyed the church, how much we liked the people and were impressed by their friendliness, and that the pastor's sermon was good as well. My husband reminded us that we weren't going to make a decision on just one visit. So, we anxiously awaited the following Sunday.
The following Sunday, we went back and were again greeted by friendly faces. We, again, enjoyed the pastor's sermon, and he had informed everyone that his current Sunday school lessons would soon be ending and he would be starting a series on "apologetics". We had no idea what apologetics was, but he explained that it was to teach how you can know what you believe and be able to defend it to people who challenged your beliefs. It sounded like something I really wanted to learn and so did Anthony.
After this second visit, we were convinced that this was were we needed to be; that God had led us to this church for a reason.
We returned to our current church the following week and gave notice in the teen department that we would remain just a few weeks and help to find a replacement to teach the junior high girls Sunday school class I had been doing my best to teach for a couple of months. (I say "doing my best" because I had originally gone in as a helper and was suddenly thrown into the teaching position when the present teacher stopped showing up and then just quit. Some of the girls in the class were very angry with me and wanted to know why the teacher wasn't teaching and a couple of them told me they didn't want me as a teacher. They were very disrespectful and unkind, so I wasn't sorry to leave teaching this class behind. I did, however, feel bad about leaving a couple of the girls behind, who did seem to appreciate me, but we had to do what was best for our family and go where God was leading us.)
Part 3 will be posted on Wednesday.
The first Sunday we arrived at the church and were met outside by a gentleman who was very friendly. He asked our names and where we were from, how we found the church and if we were homeschoolers. He was thrilled to find out that we were homeschoolers and said that he can always tell homeschoolers at his job. He works for a local tourist attraction as a guide and he said that homeschoolers ask more questions and ask intelligent questions compared to the public schooled students. He told us we were going to love this church. Then we went inside and were greeted with more friendly faces.
During the little bit of social time between the Sunday school and church service time, one of the teen boys came over to invite our boys to gather with the group of teens that were talking in an area. Our boys hesitated and looked at me, and I told them to go. So they got to meet some of the teens from the church, while my husband and I spoke with some of the adults. It was a small church, only about 17 people besides us.
Everyone is together for both Sunday school and church service (all ages). That is what "Family Integrated" means, so our children were with us the whole time.
After Sunday school and church were over, one of the ladies asked if we wanted to join them for lunch. She said that a group from the church would be going to a restaurant nearby. We said no as we were a bit overwhelmed on this first visit and wanted some time to process.
We went to the nearby Burger King for lunch, and the boys and I said how much we enjoyed the church, how much we liked the people and were impressed by their friendliness, and that the pastor's sermon was good as well. My husband reminded us that we weren't going to make a decision on just one visit. So, we anxiously awaited the following Sunday.
The following Sunday, we went back and were again greeted by friendly faces. We, again, enjoyed the pastor's sermon, and he had informed everyone that his current Sunday school lessons would soon be ending and he would be starting a series on "apologetics". We had no idea what apologetics was, but he explained that it was to teach how you can know what you believe and be able to defend it to people who challenged your beliefs. It sounded like something I really wanted to learn and so did Anthony.
After this second visit, we were convinced that this was were we needed to be; that God had led us to this church for a reason.
We returned to our current church the following week and gave notice in the teen department that we would remain just a few weeks and help to find a replacement to teach the junior high girls Sunday school class I had been doing my best to teach for a couple of months. (I say "doing my best" because I had originally gone in as a helper and was suddenly thrown into the teaching position when the present teacher stopped showing up and then just quit. Some of the girls in the class were very angry with me and wanted to know why the teacher wasn't teaching and a couple of them told me they didn't want me as a teacher. They were very disrespectful and unkind, so I wasn't sorry to leave teaching this class behind. I did, however, feel bad about leaving a couple of the girls behind, who did seem to appreciate me, but we had to do what was best for our family and go where God was leading us.)
Part 3 will be posted on Wednesday.
Saturday, May 4, 2013
Our Decision to Become Part of a Family Integrated Church Part 1
As we have been walking this homeschool journey, we have found our point of view changing along the way. We have always been a faithful, church-going family. We had been attending the church my husband grew up in, as he was raised in a Christian home. It was also the church I was most familiar with, as my mother took my sister and I to church sporadically while we were growing up, and it was the church she took us to. It is a Bible-believing, Bible-teaching church with people separated into age/peer groups for Sunday school and with a separate church service for children, one for teens, and the one for adults, so, in a sense, it is segregated. Because this is what we grew up with, my husband and I didn't see it as a problem until our oldest son was to become a part of the junior high department. The church had decided, that year, that 6th graders would be part of the junior high department and the junior high department was not always separated from the senior high department, which meant our 12 year old sixth grader would be in some discussions and activities with 17 and 18 year old seniors. This was a concern for us. We, as parents, felt this was too big of an age span and were concerned about what our 12 year old may hear from a 17 or 18 year old that we didn't think he was ready for or that we were ready to teach him about, as well as some things we still wanted to protect him from.
Our oldest, himself, came to us and said he doesn't want to go into the junior high department unless we come with him. So, my husband and I volunteered to become part of the junior high department, so that we could be present and could see whatever was going on. This remained the case for our oldest son's 6th, 7th and 8th grade years, and each year I could see more and more things arising that I disagreed with in the teen department, not to mention the disrespect we received from many of the teens.
When our son was faced with entering the 9th grade level of the teen department, he came to my husband and I on three different occasions and said, "Please don't make me go into the Senior High Department. I don't want to go to the Senior High Department. I don't have any friends here." And this was the church he had been growing up in. He had known most of these kids for twelve years. How could he not have any friends here? Well, it was because we were one of only two or three families homeschooling in the entire church. We were the minority and none of the other teens were homeschoolers, so our son had been excluded from the group because he didn't attend either public or private school with any of the other teens.
So, we began to pray for God to help us to be able to affect a change in the church or simply for His guidance in all of this.
Our homeschool community has a magazine that we receive monthly that tells us about all of the homeschool groups and happenings in our county. I received the June/July issue that year, and I always read this magazine from cover to cover. As I was reading this issue, I came upon a page inviting people to a new church, a family integrated church. There wasn't a lot of information on the page, but something about it piqued my interest. However, I didn't think my husband would consider visiting or changing churches, so I simply laid it aside.
Several times over the following days, that page kept coming to my mind, until I finally decided to show it to my husband and talk about it. I was surprised at his response. After discussing it, he suggested we visit the church in the homeschool magazine on the two weekends surrounding his upcoming week of 4th of July vacation. We talked to the kids, who were all for the idea.
We decided that we would attend the church those two Sundays and refrain from making a decision until after the second Sunday.
As this story is fairly lengthy, in order to share it properly and give you the important details, I will break this post into several parts. This is the end of Part 1. Come back Monday for Part 2.
Our oldest, himself, came to us and said he doesn't want to go into the junior high department unless we come with him. So, my husband and I volunteered to become part of the junior high department, so that we could be present and could see whatever was going on. This remained the case for our oldest son's 6th, 7th and 8th grade years, and each year I could see more and more things arising that I disagreed with in the teen department, not to mention the disrespect we received from many of the teens.
When our son was faced with entering the 9th grade level of the teen department, he came to my husband and I on three different occasions and said, "Please don't make me go into the Senior High Department. I don't want to go to the Senior High Department. I don't have any friends here." And this was the church he had been growing up in. He had known most of these kids for twelve years. How could he not have any friends here? Well, it was because we were one of only two or three families homeschooling in the entire church. We were the minority and none of the other teens were homeschoolers, so our son had been excluded from the group because he didn't attend either public or private school with any of the other teens.
So, we began to pray for God to help us to be able to affect a change in the church or simply for His guidance in all of this.
Our homeschool community has a magazine that we receive monthly that tells us about all of the homeschool groups and happenings in our county. I received the June/July issue that year, and I always read this magazine from cover to cover. As I was reading this issue, I came upon a page inviting people to a new church, a family integrated church. There wasn't a lot of information on the page, but something about it piqued my interest. However, I didn't think my husband would consider visiting or changing churches, so I simply laid it aside.
Several times over the following days, that page kept coming to my mind, until I finally decided to show it to my husband and talk about it. I was surprised at his response. After discussing it, he suggested we visit the church in the homeschool magazine on the two weekends surrounding his upcoming week of 4th of July vacation. We talked to the kids, who were all for the idea.
We decided that we would attend the church those two Sundays and refrain from making a decision until after the second Sunday.
As this story is fairly lengthy, in order to share it properly and give you the important details, I will break this post into several parts. This is the end of Part 1. Come back Monday for Part 2.
Friday, May 3, 2013
Ending the School Year -- Evaluations and Portfolios
We have just six days of school left for this year! Then, we take a break, though not the entire summer. I will post another day on our schedule. For this post, I want to share what we are required to do for our end of the school year.
We are required to have a log showing that we have schooled either 900 hours (elementary)/990 hours (secondary) or 180 days. I log days. This is required by our state homeschool law. Our state also requires that we have an annual evaluation performed by a certified teacher. This means that we schedule a time with a certified homeschool-friendly teacher and we take our portfolio to that teacher and he or she looks over it and asks our student(s) some questions about their experience from the year. Then that teacher provides us with either a check-off sheet or a short report stating that we covered the required subjects for the year, and that the student did, indeed, learn new things during the year.
What is a portfolio? A portfolio is simply a sample of your child's work for the year. We are to provide samples from each subject from beginning, middle and end of year. For example, two or three math worksheets from the beginning of the year, two or three from the middle of the year and two or three from the end of the year. The same for all other subjects, or a written report on something for a specific subject -- i.e. George Washington for U.S. History or Bird Migration for Science. My youngest has completed four lapbooks this year, two for Science, one for Health, and one for History/World Geography. We will take those along to our evaluation. Any special project(s) the child completed and is proud of and wants to share, my middle son will be showing his salt dough map of Israel and Judah. An evaluation takes about half an hour per child.
Then we have to turn certain things into our local school district at the end and at the beginning of each year. At the end of the year, some school districts require you turn in your portfolio every year. Our school district requires that we turn our portfolios in just the first two years per student. After the two years, we simply have to turn in our evaluator's report/check-off sheet.
My advice is that you study and know your state's homeschool law because there are school districts who will try to require you do more than the state requires, and they cannot do that. So, know your state's homeschool law and follow it. Yes, you will have to follow the school district as far as whether or not your entire portfolio gets turned in yearly or if they have a different requirement for that, but they cannot require you to turn in more than a portfolio and/or evaluator's report. Also, don't over-do your portfolio. Don't put more in it than you need to. The school district's job is simply to see that you are indeed teaching your child(ren) the required subjects and that your child(ren) are indeed learning something. They do not have the right to tell you what to teach or how much of it to teach or any other specifics. We don't give more than we absolutely have to because the government already oversteps their bounds into our private lives and we don't want to give them an excuse to overstep farther.
Most states/school districts also try to require you to turn in medical and dental forms showing that you are taking your child(ren) for medical and dental exams and having them immunized. However, legally, you do not have to immunize (I know quite a few families who choose not to), and you can simply give them a letter stating that you get your children medical and dental exams and that you do not wish to turn in a form to them and this should be sufficient. For further information and help with this, contact HSLDA or check out their website (I have a link on my sidebar).
Finally, I would like to impress upon you to become members of HSLDA if you homeschool your child. You never know when a question or problem may arise that you have to face and aren't sure what to do. Having HSLDA to turn to for such questions and problems is truly a blessing and offers peace of mind. My husband and I renewed our membership this year to become lifetime members, instead of renewing annually or every other year. If you are a committed homeschooler and know that you will be homeschooling for ten or more years, the lifetime membership is really worth it, and it much cheaper in the long run.
We are required to have a log showing that we have schooled either 900 hours (elementary)/990 hours (secondary) or 180 days. I log days. This is required by our state homeschool law. Our state also requires that we have an annual evaluation performed by a certified teacher. This means that we schedule a time with a certified homeschool-friendly teacher and we take our portfolio to that teacher and he or she looks over it and asks our student(s) some questions about their experience from the year. Then that teacher provides us with either a check-off sheet or a short report stating that we covered the required subjects for the year, and that the student did, indeed, learn new things during the year.
What is a portfolio? A portfolio is simply a sample of your child's work for the year. We are to provide samples from each subject from beginning, middle and end of year. For example, two or three math worksheets from the beginning of the year, two or three from the middle of the year and two or three from the end of the year. The same for all other subjects, or a written report on something for a specific subject -- i.e. George Washington for U.S. History or Bird Migration for Science. My youngest has completed four lapbooks this year, two for Science, one for Health, and one for History/World Geography. We will take those along to our evaluation. Any special project(s) the child completed and is proud of and wants to share, my middle son will be showing his salt dough map of Israel and Judah. An evaluation takes about half an hour per child.
Then we have to turn certain things into our local school district at the end and at the beginning of each year. At the end of the year, some school districts require you turn in your portfolio every year. Our school district requires that we turn our portfolios in just the first two years per student. After the two years, we simply have to turn in our evaluator's report/check-off sheet.
My advice is that you study and know your state's homeschool law because there are school districts who will try to require you do more than the state requires, and they cannot do that. So, know your state's homeschool law and follow it. Yes, you will have to follow the school district as far as whether or not your entire portfolio gets turned in yearly or if they have a different requirement for that, but they cannot require you to turn in more than a portfolio and/or evaluator's report. Also, don't over-do your portfolio. Don't put more in it than you need to. The school district's job is simply to see that you are indeed teaching your child(ren) the required subjects and that your child(ren) are indeed learning something. They do not have the right to tell you what to teach or how much of it to teach or any other specifics. We don't give more than we absolutely have to because the government already oversteps their bounds into our private lives and we don't want to give them an excuse to overstep farther.
Most states/school districts also try to require you to turn in medical and dental forms showing that you are taking your child(ren) for medical and dental exams and having them immunized. However, legally, you do not have to immunize (I know quite a few families who choose not to), and you can simply give them a letter stating that you get your children medical and dental exams and that you do not wish to turn in a form to them and this should be sufficient. For further information and help with this, contact HSLDA or check out their website (I have a link on my sidebar).
Finally, I would like to impress upon you to become members of HSLDA if you homeschool your child. You never know when a question or problem may arise that you have to face and aren't sure what to do. Having HSLDA to turn to for such questions and problems is truly a blessing and offers peace of mind. My husband and I renewed our membership this year to become lifetime members, instead of renewing annually or every other year. If you are a committed homeschooler and know that you will be homeschooling for ten or more years, the lifetime membership is really worth it, and it much cheaper in the long run.
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Having Children or Not Having Children -- Which is Selfish?
I know this may seem like an unusual post to some of you, but I have been hearing and reading things where people criticize and/or complain about having children and that having children is "selfish". So, I have decided to post my two cents on the issue, and since homeschooling is all about children, I don't think it's too far off the mark for my blog.
I will start by telling you about my family. My husband and I were unable to conceive and could not afford fertility treatments and such, so we decided to let it up to God. Then one day on my way to work, as I was listening to our local Christian radio station, they were talking to some people from two of the local adoption agencies. They talked about how it was now possible to "foster-to-adopt". That night I spoke to my husband about it. We prayed about it and then called the one agency. We went to an orientation where the foster-to-adopt option was explained, as well as what was required of us to be approved for the opportunity to foster-to-adopt. We thought it over and prayed about it and decided it was what we should do.
Long story short, we have three wonderful boys, all of which came to us through the foster-to-adopt program. Now, I will tell you that our original plan was to foster-to-adopt one boy and one girl. We figured since we were going this route, we had the ability to choose. Our first was a boy. About nine months before his adoption was final, we had another little boy join us, but, unfortunately, it did not work out for us to adopt him and he went to live with his biological father right after the adoption of our first son was final. A month later, we received a call for another boy. Our first reaction was "No". We weren't ready to jump in again after just having to say good-bye to a precious little boy. Well, apparently God had a plan, because the agency asked us to at least look over his paperwork, and, of course, there was a photo included. Another long story short, he ended up becoming our second child. Then we thought we were finished. Two children were enough and we wanted to live a normal life without the intrusion of caseworkers in and out of our house so frequently.
Five years passed, and then we decided we would try for a girl one more time. Well, God really does have a sense of humor and His plans are not always our plans. We ended up with one more boy. After his adoption, we did remain with the agency for one more year, still hoping to add a little girl to our family. Then, I had some health issues come up and we decided that our family is complete and it just wasn't part of God's plan for us to have a little girl, and I was finally at peace with this decision. We did do a couple of short-term respite cares during that final year with the agency, all boys :)
Our boys were not infants when they became a part of our family. So the time we have with them is even shorter than people with infants are blessed with, and so our time with them is even more precious.
Now let's talk about the selfish part. Parents who truly love and want their children spend time with their children and value their children. They give up things they, themselves desire, to provide for their children. That doesn't mean giving the child(ren) everything they want materially speaking, but also giving them opportunities -- learning a musical instrument, playing a sport, going on missions trips, family vacations. These parents also talk with with their children and really get to know their children. They encourage their children in their talents, hopes and dreams. They attend the basketball and soccer games and the music recitals, etc. So, these parents are giving up time that they could be spending doing what they most desire, to spend with their children instead. They are also sacrificing material things that they may want to provide for the needs or maybe a desire of their child(ren). These parents put their children above themselves like the Bible verse: "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." Philippians 2:3-4.
Now what about the people who don't really want children or who see their children as a burden and a nuisance? They resent their children because their children keep them from fulfilling all of their desires or because they need a few minutes of their time. Or, maybe they work long hours and don't have time for their children because they want to live their lives in the manner they have always dreamed of -- big house, fancy car, expensive vacations, etc. They focus more on what they themselves want. They are the ones who say, "We'll start our family when we have our own home, or when we have X amount of dollars in the bank", etc. or they choose not to have children at all because they don't want to have to miss out on what they themselves want to buy or to do or travel to the places they want to go.
So, which ones are truly selfish?
The ones who have children and consider their children a blessing and a gift of God will still have time to have some of the things they want or to do the things they want to do or to go places they want to go, when their precious children are grown and have their own families. But, even if they don't fulfill all of their personal desires, they are not concerned about that. They simply wish to leave a legacy of love behind. They want their children to feel valued and to know that they were loved, even after their parents have had to leave this world.
It breaks my heart and makes me feel ill the way our world has decided that children are a burden and have very little value, that they are disposable. I weep and God weeps. I pray that more people will realize that, yes, having children requires work and sacrifice, but there is no better job with better value to be found anywhere. Raising a child and having the love of your child is the greatest reward we can have on this earth, aside from knowing, loving and serving Jesus Christ, our Lord, and He teaches the value of children when the disciples want to chase the children away, and Jesus says, "Let the little children come to me." Matthew 19:14a
I will start by telling you about my family. My husband and I were unable to conceive and could not afford fertility treatments and such, so we decided to let it up to God. Then one day on my way to work, as I was listening to our local Christian radio station, they were talking to some people from two of the local adoption agencies. They talked about how it was now possible to "foster-to-adopt". That night I spoke to my husband about it. We prayed about it and then called the one agency. We went to an orientation where the foster-to-adopt option was explained, as well as what was required of us to be approved for the opportunity to foster-to-adopt. We thought it over and prayed about it and decided it was what we should do.
Long story short, we have three wonderful boys, all of which came to us through the foster-to-adopt program. Now, I will tell you that our original plan was to foster-to-adopt one boy and one girl. We figured since we were going this route, we had the ability to choose. Our first was a boy. About nine months before his adoption was final, we had another little boy join us, but, unfortunately, it did not work out for us to adopt him and he went to live with his biological father right after the adoption of our first son was final. A month later, we received a call for another boy. Our first reaction was "No". We weren't ready to jump in again after just having to say good-bye to a precious little boy. Well, apparently God had a plan, because the agency asked us to at least look over his paperwork, and, of course, there was a photo included. Another long story short, he ended up becoming our second child. Then we thought we were finished. Two children were enough and we wanted to live a normal life without the intrusion of caseworkers in and out of our house so frequently.
Five years passed, and then we decided we would try for a girl one more time. Well, God really does have a sense of humor and His plans are not always our plans. We ended up with one more boy. After his adoption, we did remain with the agency for one more year, still hoping to add a little girl to our family. Then, I had some health issues come up and we decided that our family is complete and it just wasn't part of God's plan for us to have a little girl, and I was finally at peace with this decision. We did do a couple of short-term respite cares during that final year with the agency, all boys :)
Our boys were not infants when they became a part of our family. So the time we have with them is even shorter than people with infants are blessed with, and so our time with them is even more precious.
Now let's talk about the selfish part. Parents who truly love and want their children spend time with their children and value their children. They give up things they, themselves desire, to provide for their children. That doesn't mean giving the child(ren) everything they want materially speaking, but also giving them opportunities -- learning a musical instrument, playing a sport, going on missions trips, family vacations. These parents also talk with with their children and really get to know their children. They encourage their children in their talents, hopes and dreams. They attend the basketball and soccer games and the music recitals, etc. So, these parents are giving up time that they could be spending doing what they most desire, to spend with their children instead. They are also sacrificing material things that they may want to provide for the needs or maybe a desire of their child(ren). These parents put their children above themselves like the Bible verse: "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." Philippians 2:3-4.
Now what about the people who don't really want children or who see their children as a burden and a nuisance? They resent their children because their children keep them from fulfilling all of their desires or because they need a few minutes of their time. Or, maybe they work long hours and don't have time for their children because they want to live their lives in the manner they have always dreamed of -- big house, fancy car, expensive vacations, etc. They focus more on what they themselves want. They are the ones who say, "We'll start our family when we have our own home, or when we have X amount of dollars in the bank", etc. or they choose not to have children at all because they don't want to have to miss out on what they themselves want to buy or to do or travel to the places they want to go.
So, which ones are truly selfish?
The ones who have children and consider their children a blessing and a gift of God will still have time to have some of the things they want or to do the things they want to do or to go places they want to go, when their precious children are grown and have their own families. But, even if they don't fulfill all of their personal desires, they are not concerned about that. They simply wish to leave a legacy of love behind. They want their children to feel valued and to know that they were loved, even after their parents have had to leave this world.
It breaks my heart and makes me feel ill the way our world has decided that children are a burden and have very little value, that they are disposable. I weep and God weeps. I pray that more people will realize that, yes, having children requires work and sacrifice, but there is no better job with better value to be found anywhere. Raising a child and having the love of your child is the greatest reward we can have on this earth, aside from knowing, loving and serving Jesus Christ, our Lord, and He teaches the value of children when the disciples want to chase the children away, and Jesus says, "Let the little children come to me." Matthew 19:14a
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